Present Protocol

My birthday is not until tomorrow but I’ve already enjoyed 3 birthday dinners and many gifts and cards. It’s always humbling to think that someone went out of their way to find a thoughtful gift for me. I’m taken back by that kind of thing, even when it might seem expected. Which brings up a touchy subject: the etiquette of gift giving. I’m adept at most of life’s social scenarios, but the protocol for the giving and receiving of gifts has had me stumped.

I’ve often heard that there are two kinds of people in this world – givers and takers. I’ve tried to strike a balance between the two by giving generously and receiving graciously. But giving to someone can inadvertently burden that person with an implied obligation to reciprocate at some point in the future. I wish it didn’t have to be that way. This dilemma is magnified when it relates to new friendships where no precedent exists. Every year I wrestle with whether or not to buy Christmas presents for certain people. I wonder if they are going to buy me a Christmas present. I would like to give to them, expecting nothing in return, but I don't want to put them on the spot. And on the other hand, if they give me a gift and I don’t have one for them, not only will I appear insensitive or uncaring, but they might feel awkward for putting me on the spot. It's a vicious cycle. One remedy for this quandary is to address the matter long before the occasion, but that can appear presumptuous. And agreeing to “exchange gifts” robs the whole scene of its pseudo spontaneity. So I came up with a solution. It’s not perfect, but it can save a lot of embarrassment.

Buy a Christmas card and a Starbucks card. Leave both in the car. If the new friend shows up with nothing but a card, thank them and tell them their card is in the car. Excuse yourself, retrieve the greeting card and quickly return with said card in hand. If they actually present you with a gift, follow the same procedure as stated above but include the Starbucks card in the envelope. If, on the other hand they showed up empty handed, say nothing. The next day mail them the Christmas card and pocket the Starbucks card for yourself – nothing wasted.