When Bad Things Happen to Good Medleys

What part of human natures makes us stare at a car wreck? Probably the same part that keeps me riveted to this:

Heavy PETting

Attention all dogs!!!

The following are important instructions for every dog to know.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR PROPERLY HUGGING A BABY.

1. First, spy a baby

2. Second, be sure that the object you spied was
indeed a baby by employing classic sniffing techniques. If you
smell baby powder and the wonderful aroma of wet diapers this is indeed
a baby.

3. Next you will need to flatten the baby before actually beginning the
hugging process.
**Note: The added slobber should help in future steps by making the "paw
slide" easier.

4. The "paw slide"
Simply slide paws around baby and prepare for possible close-up.

5. Finally, if a camera is present, you will need to execute
the difficult and patented "hug, smile, and lean" so as to
achieve the best photo quality.

Dogs, if this is properly done, it will secure you a warm, dry,
climate-controlled environment for the rest of
your life.

Present Protocol

My birthday is not until tomorrow but I’ve already enjoyed 3 birthday dinners and many gifts and cards. It’s always humbling to think that someone went out of their way to find a thoughtful gift for me. I’m taken back by that kind of thing, even when it might seem expected. Which brings up a touchy subject: the etiquette of gift giving. I’m adept at most of life’s social scenarios, but the protocol for the giving and receiving of gifts has had me stumped.

I’ve often heard that there are two kinds of people in this world – givers and takers. I’ve tried to strike a balance between the two by giving generously and receiving graciously. But giving to someone can inadvertently burden that person with an implied obligation to reciprocate at some point in the future. I wish it didn’t have to be that way. This dilemma is magnified when it relates to new friendships where no precedent exists. Every year I wrestle with whether or not to buy Christmas presents for certain people. I wonder if they are going to buy me a Christmas present. I would like to give to them, expecting nothing in return, but I don't want to put them on the spot. And on the other hand, if they give me a gift and I don’t have one for them, not only will I appear insensitive or uncaring, but they might feel awkward for putting me on the spot. It's a vicious cycle. One remedy for this quandary is to address the matter long before the occasion, but that can appear presumptuous. And agreeing to “exchange gifts” robs the whole scene of its pseudo spontaneity. So I came up with a solution. It’s not perfect, but it can save a lot of embarrassment.

Buy a Christmas card and a Starbucks card. Leave both in the car. If the new friend shows up with nothing but a card, thank them and tell them their card is in the car. Excuse yourself, retrieve the greeting card and quickly return with said card in hand. If they actually present you with a gift, follow the same procedure as stated above but include the Starbucks card in the envelope. If, on the other hand they showed up empty handed, say nothing. The next day mail them the Christmas card and pocket the Starbucks card for yourself – nothing wasted.

Driven by More

When I was a little boy, my greatest joy was going to the Ben Franklin 5¢ & 10¢ store Saturday morning and picking out a new Matchbox car. I loved those little cars and had quite the collection. When I got tired of them I would stage a horrible accident involving lighter fluid and a tragic fire. My imagination was at full tilt even then.
While I’ve always been fascinated by cars I’ve never actually owned a really nice one. I’ve been driving a 12 year old teal Accord for the past 6 years. It now has over a quarter of a million miles on it. The paint is chipping everywhere, the AC is out, the driver’s door will only open part way, the muffler has a hole in it and….my friends are all embarrassed for me. But I’ve chugged along - even though I know that people often judge you by the car you drive. I’ve always hated that about our society. After all, it’s just a chariot. A mere bucket-o-bolts. A way to get from point A to point B. But I had put off the inevitable for about as long as I could and this past weekend I knew it was time to “bite the bullet.”

I've never liked dealing with car salesmen. I’m so ignorant about the subject matter and I always think they sense it and seize upon my vulnerability. But this time was completely different. A friend of mine took me to a dealership on Saturday and the salesperson was a friend of his. She was hilarious, laid back, not pushy at all and genuinely interested in doing what was best for me. I did not intend to buy a car that day, but I’m really glad I did. I now have the nicest vehicle I’ve ever owned. It’s not a new car, but it’s looks and drives like new. Financial guru, Dave Ramsey, taught me to never buy a new car and I'm glad I heeded his advice.

Am I a different person for driving a better car? Nah. Will people think more highly of me when I pull up in a cool vehicle? Who cares. I’m thankful for the old Accord and the humility it taught me. I think I have a healthier perspective on “stuff” because of it. This new one will turn to rust soon enough – but for now I’m just hoping the AC holds out through the rest of the summer!

Mundane Redefined

I love reading my friends’ blogs and learning about all the minute details of their days. But when I think about my typical day, I wonder if any of it is worth recounting. That’s why most of my posts are topical. Basically, my life is sort of boring. But for a lack of anything burning on my mind tonight, I’ll tell you about my day.

I was supposed to be the guest on Ann Downing’s television show, “Reality Check” today and have been gearing up for that for a few weeks now. Of course, as you faithful readers know, I’ve been producing in the studio a lot lately and haven’t had time to do much other than that. Because of this, I was in serious need of a haircut. I couldn’t bear the thought of the bright lights beaming down on the unruly mop atop my head. But, try as I may, I couldn’t get an appointment. So I had resigned myself to relying upon unholy amounts of hair gel. But then God moved. I got an email last night saying that the taping had been postponed. I tried not to act overly enthused about this set back, but it had bought me a little more time to get my grooming house in order.

So I woke up this morning without a plan. I called and got a hair appointment with a new stylist for the afternoon. Then I went to the voting polls and did my civic duty in regard to our mayoral race. After that, I put my car on auto pilot and mysteriously found myself at Starbucks. I had a few moments to blow before my hair cut so I went to the Apple store and lusted after the iPhone – AGAIN! (I get the feeling those sales people all roll their eyes when I walk in…hmm)

From there I went for my haircut. Then I fought rush hour traffic back home. (did I mention my car’s air conditioner is OUT …and it’s at least 99 degrees in Nashville? Nice!) I finally got home – watered myself, and the plants. Met a new neighbor. Downloaded 2 new song demos that my publisher emailed to me. As I always do, I went to the fridge and pulled out a bag of broccoli (I never tire of that stuff) and I reached for my trusty NutriSystems meal. After dinner I sat down to watch a bit of a new DVD I ordered online, “Islam – What the West Needs to Know” by Gregory M. Davis and Brian Daly. I know so little about this religion and the Islamic people and I’m hoping that this will give me some much-needed perspective. But that’s heavy stuff right before bed, so I thought I would end my night with this diary entry.

So there you have it. I didn’t produce an album or write a song today, but I did my part for my community (voting) for our city’s economy (Starbucks) for the advancement of technology (Apple – if I keep walking away empty handed I’m sure they’ll reconsider their prices) for my friends (haircut) for the earth (watering) for the preservation of Southern hospitality (neighbor) for the farmers (broccoli) and for world peace (DVD). Now...I wonder how I can change the world tomorrow….